


When Wishes Come True

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Insecurities, M/M, Misunderstanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 15:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11293926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: Baz believes it’s for the best never to tell Simon he loves him. One day he just can’t hold back anymore.





	When Wishes Come True

Simon once said I thought we were doomed like Romeo and Juliet.

That might be true. Maybe we’re not doomed anymore but I still believe I love him so much I would die for him. I love him so much I would die _without_ him. Simon would probably laugh if he knew that. Not because he was happy but because he thought it was ridiculous. Because in spite of Romeo’s and Juliet’s undying love for each other, the love I felt for Simon wasn’t mutual.

I knew that. I knew he couldn’t possibly feel the same for his former enemy. I knew Simon felt _something_ for me but I was very sure that it wasn’t love. Even though he kissed me and hold my hand. If he knew about my feelings he’d be grossed out and I’d never see him again. That’s why I never told him, not matter how badly I wanted to.

I was glad that I got as much as he gave me. I knew this wasn’t going to last but I enjoyed it for as long as I could. So, as Simon layed beside me, I listened to his steady heart beat and I watched his closed eyes, the eye lashes. The moon light shined through the window on his face and made him look magical. His hair was messy as ever and even in the shadows I was able to see how golden it was. There was a time I thought this was everything, me watching him. But now his head laid on my chest and I could pull him closer. I could run my fingers through his hair and in the morning, I could kiss him. There’s only the one thing I couldn’t do: telling him how much I loved him. At least not when he was awake. But the night kept my secrets hidden, so I whispered his name. He didn’t react which meant that he was asleep.

This was my only chance to say it without screwing everything up. I did it sometimes when he slept and I felt so desperate to say it that it hurt.

_If I say it now, you won’t throw me out. You won’t yell at me. You won’t dump me. If I say it now, I can imagine for one second you feel the same._

‘Simon,’ I murmured again. 'I love you.’

I was going to keep talking to tell him how much but then I saw his eyes snap open. He looked at me in pure horror and said: 'What?!’

And that meant he wasn’t asleep what meant he heard me what meant – _shit._

The inevitable happend – he pushed himself away from me. _Great. I’m never going to touch his hair again or his moles or kiss him or hold him or talk to him even, this changes everything. Now he has to tell you that you can’t carry on like this unless – unless maybe he is okay with not loving you back, maybe you can be together anyway. Or maybe I can fix this. Maybe I can just deny everything._

'I-’

I honestly didn’t know what to say to make this right again. _Please. Why don’t you just pretend you didn’t hear me?_

'I didn’t…’

He looked at me in utter disbelief.

'I… I didn’t mean it,’ I decided to say. 'I don’t-’

'Oh,’ he now whispered. 'You don’t love me?’

The look of shock had vanished from his face so I thought this was the right way to fix things.

'No,’ I said relieved. Maybe he would pretend now to believe me. 'I don’t.’

'Okay,’ he whispered but he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. What had I done wrong? Maybe he just couldn’t live with the knowledge that he would never ever love me back. Maybe he felt guilty.

'I should have listened to Penny,’ he murmured and got up to gather his things. It felt like my heart stopped. So he _was_ leaving me. Of course. And Bunce had naturally known of my feelings. Sure. That makes perfect sense. And he had hoped she was wrong.

'Simon,’ I said. 'Please don’t go.’

'What’s the point? I’m sorry, Baz, I’m not asking anything from you. I… I mean, you’ve hated me for years, haven’t you? So I shouldn’t have expected you actually loved me back. Not that I hadn’t hoped for it. But that was pathetic.’

'Love you back? You mean like in, I love you and you love me back?’

'Yes?’

'But you were so shoked. When you heard me say it – you weren’t happy or anything. Because you don’t love me and you knew this was the ending.’

'No, because I didn’t really think you’d actually be… Do you mean?’

'Do _you_ mean?’

'Yes.’

'Me too.’

So Simon dropped the things and crawled back into bed with me. Immediately I pulled my arms around his body and held him close.

'I thought you’d leave me,’ I whispered. 'I couldn’t bear to lose you. Never.’

'Don’t worry,’ he said and smiled at me. 'I’m not going to. Ever.’

And just like that, the night had become a hundred times sweeter.

 

When Simon fell asleep in my arms, I breathed in his smell and listened to his heart beat. Suddenly all my sorrows had vanished into thin air.

_Here you are, beautiful boy. Don’t be afraid. I’ll slay monsters for you. I’ll give you anything you want. And in the end, I’m going to die for you. Because I really do love him like Romeo loved Juliet._

 

_And I hope he never finds out._


End file.
